Im at strip club and am horny
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I miss vodka workout Fridays
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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