No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
