Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Farmville is her only friend.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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