She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
