That's intense
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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