I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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