my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
