Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
