we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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