I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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