I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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