You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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