So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
