but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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