She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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