I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
