Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have already put on my inside pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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