I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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