youre lurking in front of me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
