im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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