She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
