I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
