Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
