I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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