I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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