Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
