I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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