Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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