he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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