I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
