The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
