Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
