he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it glows. i had to have it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
