I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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