my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and she was petting her beer can
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
