i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
