haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My balls are so social today.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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