dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
