Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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