Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
