She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
