Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He shit in the fireplace
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
