So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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