Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
