if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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