all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
