I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
