Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
