Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
