My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
