worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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