I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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