It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
