She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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