I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
