you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
