IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
