4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
