I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
