Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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