I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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